Strings

There are so many things on my head. It's difficult to pick out one string of thought and separate it from the knotty mess. It's tough to straighten out the one string of thought even if I manage to pluck it out of the knotty mess. While I try consciously to straighten it out, the string of thought then thins and threatens to break. A broken string of thought in the head causes much tension. It's a loss of balance. It's a loss of a string of thought from the family of strings of thought.

Ok....that's enough on strings of thoughts!

Head Ache

I have no idea what the reason is for the splitting pain in my head since the past couple of days. It's something very very consistent and that's the most annoying part of it. I wake up in the morning, it's there. I have my breakfast, it's there. I take my lunch, it's still there. After the nap, still hanging around, yeah! Evening stroll, very much present. Dinner time, freaking me out. It's mid night and it's still lingering.

The pain isn't negligible either. It comes from within - as though it was your brain that was mourning. It hurts beneath the forehead, under the temples and even a part below my nose. Stroking the forehead forcefully helps. It eases the pain, but then the fingers start giving up - out of boredom of performing the same movement.

Then I think of popping in a pill. Something that will relieve the pain. Distract my attention to the more pleasant happenings around. Let me breathe with lesser stress. Let me live without wincing. Then I decide against it for some binding reason.

Then the prospect of relief passes out. It's by choice that I own my head ache. It's despite the option of a cure. Now, I lose the right to complain. It's time to live. Live with the head ache!

Pacman

A rejuvenated interest in Pacman is something I have gained recently. And I should say, it's entertaining. Damn entertaining. And extra-addictive. So every time I get the Internet, the first thing, hmmm... probably the third thing, to be precise, I do is log on to http://www.freepacman.org/. What follows is then legendary!
I love myself wading through the aisles with the white, sweet bubbles that come my way. I know the only thing to do in 'Pac World' is to eat the bubbles/tablets/sweets/stars/planets (different connotations for all us different people) and run. Run from Pinky and Inkey and Blinkey and Clyde. I hate to see their sharp, disfigured teeth ready to chew me into themselves. What I yearn for, as does everyone playing this game, are the Four Pearls of Evil (that's what I imagine them to be). Pearls because they glow more than the rest of the non-shiny bubbles and Evil because they give you the license and the power to kill. To eat the Pinkys, Inkeys, Blinkeys and Clydes of the Pac World. But like real life, the period of staying in power is short term and the Evil again has the upper hand over you - the nice one!
What is coolest about the game is the music. I have hardly seen it advancing through the five years that I have been a fan of it. It still sounds like a trippy rhythm that can wake you up from the deepest sleep ever, if played loud enough!
Another spectacular thing about the game is it 2-D character. It helps my primitive brain function. Function with quite some adeptness!

Dogs

The soft paws, jagged claws, wet nose, razor-sharp canines, fur coat, the brown patch around the eye, the belly that bellows almost always, the ochre eyes. I miss each of them - I miss Oink, my dog.
It's been two long years that he's stayed away from me. Long enough to probably stop loving me. Long enough to probably forget me. Yet, when I met him today, he pounced and jumped and licked me all over. I must admit that I love the attention! I love all the adulation! And then comes my turn to pet him, to give him all the attention he needs, to pat his back, scratch his neck, to kiss his jaws and shake his hands a million times over! My turn at this never ends! For however long I stay with him, he owns me, owns my love!
Today is special because it's his birthday. I bought him a Merwan's mawa cake, which of course he shared with his siblings, quite unwillingly though. He probably knew there was something unusual about the day - the fact that I went to see him, to be with him and the cake might have definitely given it away.
I love him, still the same, well probably a little less. That could be because I miss him more. It's when I have those pensive patches that I wished he wagged his tail inciting me to inflict some violence on him (yes we did have some brawls, and tough ones at that!). Hmppphhhhhh.
Happy birthday Oinkieee

Wish List

How I wish the world thought the way I did. Things would be simpler, life much more meaningful.
I wish to climb the tallest peaks in the world to feel the thin air, to feel the coldness, to touch the snow, to feel the ache in the legs and feet below from the strenuous journey.
I wish to fly across oceans and dip into the waters whenever thirst beckons, drink the sweet water from the oceans and rush to the moon. The moon seems like a place that holds all the goodness, all the purity, all the good people. Maybe it's my fantasy, maybe it's true.
I also wish to buy all the sweets in the world and give them away to all the bitter people in an attempt to sweeten them. Don't know how it helps, don't whether it does at all.
I wish there were people who could walk on stilts all their lives, I would be one of them!
I wish I still had my pet - Oink. I would never have left home.
I wish all the stars could be counted.
I wish the sky was dark though the day and night.
I wish the elephants could run real fast.
I wish the world used pencils rather than pens.
I wish all the food in the world came for free.
I wish all the people I loved never got upset with me.
I wish I never cried.
I wish snakes were harmless.
I wish the nights were less scary.
I wish I could sleep on all nights.
I wish I kept travelling all through my life.
I wish I could just run away.
I wish I didn't have to answer anyone.
I wish I didn't have to miss anyone or anything.
How I wish.....

Longing

It's been really long that I've visited this space. Have been caught up with commitments, with work, with college, with life. I seem to have lost touch with myself, in many ways. I hardly have the time to think about My health, My body, My hobbies, My sleep, Myself. I have been lost in a world where there's only room for making sensible decisions, taking the right paths, no room to wander, discover or simply while away time. It's a mechanical way of living. It's been so long that I have sung a poem, since I have strolled the streets without a thing to worry or strain about. It has been so long since I have walked oblivious to everything around me. Walked just staring at the moon and the stars. Walked alone, hand in hand with myself! I long for solitude, long to stay away from the crowd. Eat my popcorn when I want to eat it, and not wait for the rest of the world to join me. Watch a movie without having to find company. Wander the whole night and not return home, and still have no compulsion of justifying my absence.
I want to be selfish, just think about myself and not the minutest life around me.

Over and Out

There's a strange kind of tiredness creeping into me. Whether i like it or not, I am shrouded by it. I'm tired of all the early mornings, of all the sun rises, of all the blazing noons, of all the sunsets, of all the cold nights. Tired of life.
There's too much to brood over, too little to smile about. There's too much to debate over, too little to agree upon. There's too much of darkness, too little light. Life's a bitch. Excuse my French.I'm sick of all the blames, of all the burden, of all the onus. My shoulders are drooping, they can't take anymore weight. My heart is heavy too.
I look at people around me. i see them empty. Full of sympathy. That's still empty. I look for The One. I can't find anyone. I live my life, it's full. Full of thoughts. Thoughts that grieve, thoughts that sob. Thoughts that give a heartache. Thoughts I hate.
I hate what I love.
I pretend. Pretend to smile, to look for joy. I find very little, or none at all. I gather the little. Store it in my house. I water it, but it just doesn't grow. It's planted in sand. It won't grow. It chokes me to death. I love the little joy, but it hates me. It denies me itself, it withers and wilts.
I wither and wilt along with it...